Well my life is great but at times i feel depressed. It all started with this boy i met at church he liked me about a year and a half ago but i had boyfriend at the time so i ignored him but secretly kind of liked him. Then he quit coming to church and i saw him at the mall a year later and some how he got my number and called me and we started talking alot then he came back to church faithfully for about 2 months and kept trying to pursuad me to go out with him and i just kept telling him friends for now because i did not want to get hurt again like i did with my ex boyfriend (we were on and off for over a year) Well finally i gave in because i really liked him alot and we went out for almost 4 months and for about 3 months it waz amazing we were in love and spent everyday together morning untill night i always wanted to be with him it was the best thing that had ever happened to me besides my Salvation.Well he wasnt in school for the first 2 and a half months of us dating and he got in roled soon after that and he started talking to this girl that he use to date and all the feelings came back and it ended up he cheated on me for 3 weeks and i kind thought something but never thought he would do something like that to me but i thought wrong.well within those 3 weeks he came to church one night and had her class ring around his neck and tried to say oh were just friends it doesnt mean anything but i waz very pissed about it bc you dont wear someones class wring if your "just friends" well as far as i knew he never wore it again so i just let it go because well no one wants to believe their boyfriend is cheating on them. well needless to say he broke up with me saying "we will be back together dont worry we just need to take a brake because things dont feel the same" so i was in the middle of church when i recieved the crapp text message saying this so i went in the library at church and cried my eyes out for about a hour i felt miserable well after that i found out he had dated 2 other girls within 3 weeks i felt so stupid everyone tried to tell me stay away from him he is bad news and i tried to listen but fell for my temptation i hated myself and i wanted to die and cried everyday almost all day long for the next 3 months and i tried cuttiong myself i thought of ways to kill myself i did crazy things thinking maybe someone will take me and kill me i just couldent take the pain living life without him he was my everything. Well now its been about 6 months and im still thinking about this so i decided to blog about it and maybe it will take it off my mind im hoping anyway. I dont really cry anymore sometimes theres a tear or two i just wish we nevr broke up i miss him so much and i dont even have his friendship anymore i dont have anything to do with him i tried to be around his 5 yr old sister and 3 year old brother and his mommy bc we all love each other to death so i go over there sometimes but i had to stop bc with him being there and beign in a invironment that i once use to be held and kissed in just wasnt worth the pain and i know his younger siblings ask where i am and i know his mom wants me to come over but i just can't anymore its not worth the pain i mean i think about this all the time without even going around it and hardly talking about it but yeah....