first time back on in a longgg time!!!

Well lifes going really well right now we are living at home still and dad hasnt drank my parents get along well and my dad comes to church sometimes im still praying he starts coming more.....Im over orion over him and everything he put me throughi dont ever want to be with him again idk how i got over but somehow did i quit tryingand so i got over but it feels amazingto finally not have to cry or think about him anymore well i still think about him and wish he would come to church and follow God but thats his decision and im tired of trying to help him make so he can have a great life without me in it bc im content and happy:)

awesome night!!!

Well today started out to be pretty crappy i was grumpy bc of lack of sleep lol go figure....we were at the beach for like 3 hours i got some serious sun:) i dont think it will turn into peeling hopefully just tan:)...anyway then work was blah not much to do so i just hurried to do everything i had to do and then left about 5:15 when i usally get off at 6:00...i went to orions his back was hurting him:( my poor baby:(..then tbc then after tbc back to his house we just laid there and snuggled for what felt like lil bit of time which it kinda was 9:05 to 10:10 i could have stayed there all night despite the fact my mom would have killed me!!! ahhh cant wait to be able to do that all night i love him so much more than he will ever comprehend!...cant wait untill tomorrow beach with errika maybe orion too:) but even if he doesnt come to the beach bc his back hurts then i will be sure to go over after the beach:):):) Cant wait omgoodness im so anxious i just wanna be with him all the time!! anyway goodbbye for now

Ugh im rele gettikng agervated with living at my sisters it was cool at first but now i rele just wanna go home and have my own room to go in with some privacy sick of ppl get into my bussiness all the frikin time!..Can't wait untill tomorrow beach work orions then tbc and orion is coming to tbc with me:)

TOMORROW!!!!

omgoodness i cant wait untill tomorrow i get to go see my love:) i only get to for 45 min but thats better than nothing right? im just so excited on night morning and afternoon left then i get to be with him:):):):) i really hope we talk and work things out!

confused and emotional

I dont know why but all the sudden im starting to think orion and i shouldent get back together..i want to more than anything but something doesnt feel right about it because we have our whole life ahead of us he wants to go in the military and i might be going to indiana for college so what will happen then? I'de like to be with him from now and all through college and then married and lasting forever but idk if he is capable of that sometimes i just wish i never met him or never dated him life would be so different if i never knew him as my boyfriend i could live a normal life not wondering about him almost everyday...sunday meant so much to me and i dont want it to go to nothing im so confused i just want to cry...but i cant or mom wont want me going to his house again so im just going to fight back the tears as much as i can!

Being Patient Is Hard

Well orion and are were texting last night and it went really well again and he said that he just needs time to figure out what he wants and i told him i will be patient and have faith but if he is not gunna try to do what he needs to do to be with me then he needs to tell me so i can go ahead and start ignoring what happened yesterday because the more we han g out and the more we talk to him the more im love him and so he cannot take forever to decide what he wants. I really want to go over there tonight i dont know if i should or not but if he asks im going to...i told my sister about it last night and this morning i tldmy mom with a little bit more detail she made me feel good about my decisions yesterday because she knew he treated me right untill he let his feelings get the best of him and i really want to be treated how he treats me i just want to be with him and my mom knows that i keep thinking if i leave for college next august im going to find someone who is better than orion but i dont wanna go to college for more than a year maybe two years at the most but in my heart and mind i know i dont want to be with anyone else but orion. I've used up 6 months trying to get over him and i am still not over him, heck, im still in love with him!....And i know he is still in love with me too......Well needless to say my mom told me that im 17 and i need to make this decision on my own and not let anyone else make it for me i can ask advice and base my decision on the advice but over all it needs to be my decision...which made me feel a heck of alot better too...because depending on his decision i already know what im going to do theres going to be alotta things he has to do in order to get thingsback to how they were and he knows that. I can't wait untill he makes his decision. Im not a very patient person so waiting on something like this is really hard for me to wait on. But the Lord will help me be patient and also have some faith anyway i leave this on the note that i love orion cant wait to talk to him today:)

THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!

Oh my goodness i had the best day in the world today was my birthday all i had planned was church in the morning then afternoon at home maybe take a nap then choir practice and church again lol sounds like a boring birthday right? well saturday night i went out to dinner with my 2 older sisters and my mom and to the rascal flatts concert it was frikin awesome! which is why i had nothing planned for today. But pastor preached a message in chruch wednesday night and it was on bitterness vs. forgiveness and he said alot about hating people and how wrong it is so friday i texted orions (my ex bf) mommi and i asked if i could take trinity and gabriel (orions lil sis and bro) to church with me sunday morning and she said oh yeah thats fine well when i dropped them back off at home after church i didnt plan on staying long but ended up staying the whole afternoon. It was so great the best birthday present i could have asked for..i actually had a dream saturday night that orion and i wer kissing and snuggling anf talking and it was just like old times and well today that actually happened we may be getting back together im praying and hoping so i just love him so much and missed him more than ive ever missed something before i feel like im dreaming i just want to tell someone to pinch me and wake me up but its not a dream its for real and i love it!!! I wish i was with him right now and he was holding me in his arms i want so bad to go to his house tomorrow but idk what my mom and sister will say...and i gotta know if he wants me to or not i will wait a while tomorrow and see if he txts me i hope so i just feel so loopy i was driving to my sis house took about 25 min and listening to love songs and i couldent help but smile i know i had the sweetest look on my face ive had in alonggg time....anyway comment this please i know youve read my long story about what orion did to me so give me some adivce on what to do with this situation:)