confused and emotional

I dont know why but all the sudden im starting to think orion and i shouldent get back together..i want to more than anything but something doesnt feel right about it because we have our whole life ahead of us he wants to go in the military and i might be going to indiana for college so what will happen then? I'de like to be with him from now and all through college and then married and lasting forever but idk if he is capable of that sometimes i just wish i never met him or never dated him life would be so different if i never knew him as my boyfriend i could live a normal life not wondering about him almost everyday...sunday meant so much to me and i dont want it to go to nothing im so confused i just want to cry...but i cant or mom wont want me going to his house again so im just going to fight back the tears as much as i can!